The blurb on the front of author and journalist Leigh Sales’ book is ‘Blindsides, resilience and what happens after the worst day of your life’. Despite being a Chatter (google Chat10Looks3; I’ve listened to every single episode since Day One), and despite admiring Sales’ work on the ABC, and even hearing her speak at a business event, I had hesitated to read Any Ordinary Day (Penguin Random House 2018) because I thought it might be depressing or traumatic, and I’d had enough of my own trauma to navigate.
But recently something shifted and I decided it was time to read this book. And I was right. It WAS the right time, and the book was NOT depressing. On the contrary, although it consists of a series of interviews Sales conducted with people who did in fact experience probably the very worst day of their lives, this was not a book focussed on the trauma itself. Rather it is a well-researched, thoughtful and considered essay on – yes, grief, obstacles, death and loss – but mostly centred on happiness, recovery, resilience, courage, kindness, the human capacity for forgiveness, integrity and hope.
Sales meditates the eternal conundrum that although as humans we all rationally know we are going to die, and that bad stuff and disasters and accidents and disease do inevitably affect those we love, we somehow still fail to completely believe or accept this, as if those bad things happen to other people, but not us. People on the news. People who make the news because their worst day is more horrific than most of us can imagine … your family slaughtered, a loved one killed in a freak accident, your own life upended by a life-changing event.
Sales interviews Stuart Diver (Threadbo), Louisa Hope (Lindt Café siege), Walter Mikac (Port Arthur Massacre), James Scott (Nepal), Juliet Darling (partner murdered by his son with paranoid schizophrenia) and Hannah Richell (husband died while surfing), plus many more. But these people cannot merely be summarised as I have done here by noting their name and the tragedy they endured. Through Sales’ gentle, careful and curious questioning, they are revealed to be so much more than the sum total of their losses and griefs. They are all, without exception, stronger, more resilient, more compassionate, more hopeful, more tolerant, more understanding and more grateful for the happiness in their lives than they were before.
Sales is very honest about her own ‘worst days’ … the traumatic birth of her son, the multiple medical issues of her other son, her divorce … and about how she felt completely blindsided when each of these events occurred and wondered how on earth she would ever recover or go on. When she expanded her view, she considered people who had gone through even more terrible life events (such as those listed above) and really wanted to understand how it is that a human being can sustain such awful grief and still carry on.
Of course, some people don’t survive such trauma. Sadly, for some it is too much. But this book focusses on those who not only survive, but thrive, whether that’s because of a renewed sense of purpose, increased gratitude for life and for the love of others, closer relationships, a public platform and a voice from which they can help change the lives of others, or merely a sustained happiness at the small intimacies of life – a stunning sunset, a fragrant flower, a warm cup of tea, a smile from a stranger, a job well done, being with family or laughing uproariously with friends.
Sales looks for broken people and shattered lives who have been thrust into the media spotlight through a disaster or by simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but instead, with wisdom, respect, and a nuanced and profound curiosity, she finds mended people who have rebuilt their lives, people who have not only coped with the challenges that life has thrust upon them, but have grown and developed because of those difficulties, and now – quite often – represent a beacon of hope for others going through similar struggles.
The author skilfully weaves meticulous research and fact-finding into these anecdotal stories so that each person is featured not only because of their own story, but because of what they represent. Sales unpacks fear, reluctance, hesitancy and awkwardness around how others respond to people who have suffered trauma, and she provides practical and tangible examples of ways to be useful when someone you love is grieving.
Any Ordinary Day deals with serious and weighty themes but it is not a heavy book. It is light rather than darkness. Sales is candid, inquisitive and compassionate in her interactions with her interviewees; she is frank about her own circumstances; and it is with great skill that she weaves together the experiences of others with relevant research and with her own contemplations. She is open about her biases and judgements (for example, regarding faith) and the entire book has a meditative quality to it that is a result of questions pondered thoughtfully, responses listened to closely, and ideas and theories posited from many angles.
She also does a deep dive into the helping professions – police, coroners, judges, first responders, counsellors – to depict their valuable roles in accompanying those grieving, by walking quietly by their side and being fully present to listen to and accept their pain.
The opening sentence is: ‘The day that turns a life upside down usually starts like any other’. This echoes the theme of the book, that remarkably terrible things can blindside you on any ordinary day. This book explores what happens next, how people cope, and what good things might inexplicably come from bad experiences. So much relies on luck and chance. So many reminders that we are mortal, life is short, and we should focus on happiness and joy every chance we get.
I’m glad I read this book now, because now is the exact time I needed it to speak to me. Perhaps, like me, you are experiencing your own trauma and cannot face reading about the worst days of others. But perhaps, also like me, you might be surprised by the comfort and balm that can be found in learning how others have managed those days and gone on to have days of joy and wonder, sometimes not only despite their loss, but because of it.